During tough times in my life, one of the many meaningful lessons I learned, was the importance of maintaining happy relationships with the people I love and care about. Sometimes in our busy modern lives, we tend to forget this.
As the great teacher Brian Tracy says "85% of an individual's happiness comes from happy involvement with other people." So what are some of the personal communication skills we need to understand and frequently practice, in order to develop a healthy personality and maintain many happy relationships?
1. Practice indirect effort.
In our relationships with other people, we have a tendency to get what we want by using an indirect approach, rather than a direct approach. Realise that people are more impressed by you, if you at first demonstrate genuine interest in them. The key to having quality relationships is based upon what you first put into those relationships.
2. Raise the self esteem of others.
Develop your own "Personal Communications Strategy" which strives to make others at work and home feel important. By raising the self-esteem of others, your own self-esteem will rise.
3. Pay attention.
Be attentive when people are talking to you. This means stopping what you are doing, looking straight at the person talking, avoiding distractions and not interrupting. Remember that your 100% attention tells a person that you genuinely value them.
4. Eliminate negative destructive criticism.
Nothing is more demoralising to adults and children. Start to listen to how you are speaking to the people you care about. The first step towards ceasing destructive criticism of others is to recognise when you are using it. If unsure, ask people if you frequently use criticism on them.
5. Don't argue.
Instead of taking a contrary stance just for the sake of it, start to listen and understand the other person's point of view at work and at home. Like any new habit, this may not be easy at first, but for the sake of the important people in your life, force yourself to do it.
6. Say "Thank you" more often.
I am continually amazed at the lack of appreciation shown by people, particularly in business. It takes but a moment to say, yet can leave a lasting positive impression. Start a new "Thank You" habit today. Apply it regularly in your relationships with your children, your spouse or partner, your fellow workers, your boss and even in your letters and e-mails etc.
7. Practice "The Golden Rule."
This rule simply tells us that we should love others as much as we love ourselves. Next time you find yourself in a potentially difficult situation, ask yourself this question: "How would I like to be treated in this situation?"
8. Avoid self-pity.
Sometimes we inwardly feel sorry for ourselves and just want to relieve the stress and strain by "taking it out" on somebody close to us. This situation is a sign of low self-esteem, which can be raised by re-focusing upon your true values and goals. Not knowing them, is a strong indication as to where you should start.
9. Make a commitment.
Be sure in your own mind that you are putting in and openly demonstrating a 100% commitment in your important relationships. If improvement is required, then take the appropriate steps, starting today.
10. You can't change people.
This is so important to understand. Nobody can change another person. Change only emerges from within a willing individual. We must therefore recognise that if we want others to change, then first we need to change.
Finally, if you wish for happier relationships at work or at home, recognise that the starting point is always "YOU". Self-knowledge is an invaluable personal asset, it will steer you towards successful relationships throughout your life.
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